I used to fear death. I don't anymore.
I used to want to live a long life. I don't anymore.
Part of the reason I no longer fear
death may be that I already went through the process of believing
that I was dying. Doctors could not tell me what was wrong, but I was
convinced it was most likely terminal. This is not an uncommon
phenomena amongst fibromyalgia sufferers before they get a diagnosis.
Your mind simply can not believe that anything causing that much pain
is also not killing you. You feel like the pain is killing you. I
still get bouts of that level of pain and even though I know what it
is, it is still hard to believe that something that hurts that much
is not going to lead to death.
Fibromyalgia does not lead to death.
The leading cause of death amongst those with fibromyalgia is
suicide. It is ten times that of the regular population, according to
a Danish study. A U.S. Study published in January 2011 in Arthritis
Care and Research showed an increased cause of death for those
with fibromyalgia from suicide and accidents, whether they are
intentional accidents or simply caused by some of the aspects of
fibromyalgia like loss of balance or fibro-fog.
I have great sympathy for those in
chronic pain with no hope of getting better. Presidential candidate
Rick Santorum's callous lies recently about the Swedish euthansia
laws really bring this home. Santorum claimed that euthanasia
accounted for 10 percent of all deaths for the Netherlands and that,
in half of those cases, patients are euthanized involuntarily. That
could charitably be called a lie.
In the Netherlands, euthanasia accounts
for less than 1 percent of all deaths. No person can be euthanized
unless they have expressed a desire to die on multiple occasions and
at least two doctors confirm that the patient is either terminally
ill or in unbearable pain. Even afterwards, there is follow-up to
ensure that all laws and safeguards have been followed. It is humane
and a model for the way chronic unrelievable pain should be handled.
I have been in horrific pain that makes
me little more than an animal. I can't think clearly- I can barely
think at all. All there is is pain. All I can think of is the one
saving thought that it will end. For people where pain like that
won't end, there is no point in being alive. You get nothing from it.
You can not enjoy life. You can not contribute to life. You can't
have relationships with others. Your life is only about the pain.
Forcing people to continue in that condition with no hope of recovery
is torture.
If you have never been in that kind of
pain, you can not understand it. It changes your perspective. A life
of tortuous pain is not a life worth living. I get relief from it. It
comes and goes. If that level of pain was constant with no hope of
relief, there is no doubt in my mind that I would check out and have
no second thoughts about it.
Life should be about the quality of
your life, not about how long you live. I do not expect to live that
long. Even with other drugs to help, I know that the Savella is
putting a strain on my heart that will reduce my lifespan. I don't
care. I would rather have a shorter life and be able to do more than
a long life I can not enjoy and that brings me nothing but misery.
What is the point in that?
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