This is directed to my fellow fibromyalgia
sufferers.
Self-pity is not attractive, or
ennobling, or even pleasant for others to be around. Wallowing in
self-pity will make your life miserable.
None the less, I think it is okay to
allow it for yourself every so often. Every couple of months I may
allow myself a day or so to wallow in it a little. Expressing it
constantly will destroy me, but constantly bottling it up does not
seem to be a good idea either.
Fibromayalgia comes in and blows your
life apart. Your hopes and dreams for the future may be shattered.
Your life is not going to be the same, and there will be many things
you can no longer do. This is devastating. A little self-pity makes
sense.
In addiction recovery they talk a lot
about the destructive power of self-pity. The narcissism of addiction
can make self-pity a sustaining and malignant force. At the same
time, though, a little self-pity might actually be a good thing.
In “Recovering: The Adventure of Life
Beyond Addiction,” by Pete Walker, he writes: “Everyone needs
to occasionally feel sorry for themselves. Tears for the self are
some of the most potently healing experiences of recovery. Self-pity,
in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact,
is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling
sorry for the self.”
For us, unlike with addiction, recovery
is largely psychological. We may not get better, we may not be able
to take control of our lives, we may in a sense actually be victims.
What we can do is learn to cope better with the situation we are in.
When I hold a pity party, I tend to do
this by myself. Sometimes my wife is around, and she knows what the
deal is. I don't want pity from anyone. I just want to feel sorry for
myself. I want to be angry at the unfairness of it.
Fibromyalgia is unfair. No one deserves
it. A little self-pity where you allow yourself to get emotional
about it gives you the opportunity to let out some of those negative
emotions. It is not a good idea to do it at, say, a party, or do it
all the time, but every so often I find that it makes me feel better.
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