Pity Party

This is directed to my fellow fibromyalgia sufferers.

Self-pity is not attractive, or ennobling, or even pleasant for others to be around. Wallowing in self-pity will make your life miserable.

None the less, I think it is okay to allow it for yourself every so often. Every couple of months I may allow myself a day or so to wallow in it a little. Expressing it constantly will destroy me, but constantly bottling it up does not seem to be a good idea either.

Fibromayalgia comes in and blows your life apart. Your hopes and dreams for the future may be shattered. Your life is not going to be the same, and there will be many things you can no longer do. This is devastating. A little self-pity makes sense.

In addiction recovery they talk a lot about the destructive power of self-pity. The narcissism of addiction can make self-pity a sustaining and malignant force. At the same time, though, a little self-pity might actually be a good thing.

In “Recovering: The Adventure of Life Beyond Addiction,” by Pete Walker, he writes: “Everyone needs to occasionally feel sorry for themselves. Tears for the self are some of the most potently healing experiences of recovery. Self-pity, in balance and moderation, is extremely healing. Recovery, in fact, is often very limited until there are profound experiences of feeling sorry for the self.”

For us, unlike with addiction, recovery is largely psychological. We may not get better, we may not be able to take control of our lives, we may in a sense actually be victims. What we can do is learn to cope better with the situation we are in.

When I hold a pity party, I tend to do this by myself. Sometimes my wife is around, and she knows what the deal is. I don't want pity from anyone. I just want to feel sorry for myself. I want to be angry at the unfairness of it.

Fibromyalgia is unfair. No one deserves it. A little self-pity where you allow yourself to get emotional about it gives you the opportunity to let out some of those negative emotions. It is not a good idea to do it at, say, a party, or do it all the time, but every so often I find that it makes me feel better.